She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
