I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
