What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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