So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You are a genius and a whore.
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