i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
