Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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