I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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