there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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