I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You took a bar mat shot.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
