if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
