I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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