weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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