Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
