im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
