i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I still have a little drunk in my system
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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