Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
