So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there was a trapeze. enough said
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
