I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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