I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize