I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
