JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize