a queef is a wish your heart makes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
