great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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