would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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