She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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