Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
