This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
