Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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