You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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