Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
