I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
