You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize