the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just found puke in my bra..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
