there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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