you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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