So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Randomize
