hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
