So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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