Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
