If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize