He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
