fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
