my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
