Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
