My nipple is on Facebook.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize