I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
