dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
