Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
