Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
