why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
where are you?
Hypothermia
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
