My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
