Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You are the jesus of drinking
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
