I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
