Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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