if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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