chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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