PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
