Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
