In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
