do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
