There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
