I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
