You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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