Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
