How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
