I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
50% drunk capacity currently
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
