What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
