I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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