fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize