Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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