i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
