I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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