You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
