Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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