Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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