Moan for me like Helen Keller
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize