It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
