i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You ruined the universe
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
