How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
