My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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