i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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