i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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